One Example

Hello. My name is Hailey and I like to party, but I rarely make it to the party.  I panic about the drive, because there is a 99% chance that I'm going to have an anxiety attack as I drive. I start to panic just thinking about it and then I start to worry about what it could be like if I make it to the destination. (I have been known to panic on the way and claim some type of emergency. Plus there is that pesky possibility of a wreck.) What if I can't think of anything to say?  What if I make a fool of myself? What if everyone hates me?! Oh god they already hate me! They felt obligated to invite me and they'll resent me for showing up!  Why does everyone hate me?? Oh that's right! I'm simply a hateful person. I hate me too. Why won't I shut up and leave people alone?! Now I'm fighting the urge to self-harm, wishing for an off switch, and crying in my room while my kids beg me to come out.
Anxiety and depression suck. They hurt. They don't make sense. I want them to go away now, but they've buried themselves deep into who I am. They are a vicious cycle, but I'm among the lucky ones. I've developed some pretty handy coping techniques. When I convince myself to drive on the interstate I talk to my kids or myself. I plan every tiny detail of the drive. Still, I'm not infallible and sometimes the fear and sadness is too much to handle alone. That's why I'm going to call the doctor... hopefully today. I've been putting it off for a long time. I'm scared, but I'm looking for hope. Keep your fingers crossed for me.